- ways to annoy people
- December 10th, 2006
~If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
~Speak only in a "robot" voice.
~Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
~Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
~Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
~Name your dog "Dog."
~Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
~Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
~Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
~Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
~Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
~Practice making fax and modem noises.
~Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
~Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
~Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
~ Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
~Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
~Wear a special hip holster for the remote control.
~ Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
~ Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
~ Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
~ Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
~ Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
~Drum on every available surface.
~ Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
~Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.
~ Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
~ Honk and wave to strangers.
~ Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
~ Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
~Wear your pants backwards.
~ Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
~ Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
~ ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
~ only type in lowercase.
~ dont use any punctuation either
~ Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
~ Pay for your dinner with coins.
~ Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
~Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
~ Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of
~ Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
~ Light road flares on a birthday cake.
~ Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
~ When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
~As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
~ Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
~ Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
~ Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
~Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
~Ask people what gender they are.
~ Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
~Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
~ Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
~ Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
~Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
~ Change your name to "Aaaaaajohn Aaaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
~ Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars
to see if they slow down.
~ Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
~ Wear a LOT of cologne.
~ Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
~Mow your lawn with scissors.
~ Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
~ Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
~ Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
~ Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
~ Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
~ Never make eye contact.
~ Never break eye contact.
~ Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
~ Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results.
~ Make appointments for the 31st of September.
~ Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
~list the ways of annoying other people.